My day started as it should--I woke up, kinda, rolled out of bed into my workout gear, rooted around for a pair (or a reasonable facsimile thereof) of socks, and the flattest sneakers I own. Grabbed my phone and my tablet, my towel, water bottle... I was ready to crush my workout today.
Set it all up in my tablet app (LiftBook, for those interested): StrongLifts 5x5, Workout B, 180# squats, 60# OHPs, and 180# Deadlifts. I was feeling powerful (except for those OHPs...they are my nemesis). My squats sets went well. I was feeling confident and on top of the world. My OHPs were surprisingly good today...until the 4th set. That's when I realized there were a lot of guys staring at me...and they weren't staring at my weight. I looked down and thought, "Oh, geeze...if there is ever an exercise to make feel even *more* chesty... it's this one. DOUBLE Ds COMIN' AT YA..." Threw me off, because now I was focused on the fact I have boobs and my workouts are just making them bigger and everyone in the gym is noticing. Set 4 gave me 3 reps, set 5 gave me 4.
I happily moved to my Deadlifts. My warm up sets were great, but I only did 2 at 160# instead of my normal 3. I think I should have done 3 because I only managed to get 3 reps at 180#. This made me very sad. I like PRs every time I lift. It makes me feel like I'm accomplishing something. I don't know how to handle it when I don't hit those PRs. Then it makes me worry that I'm losing strength while doing the Whole30 program and I start to freak out.
Of course, apparently, I base my sense of self/self-worth on my lifts. Oh, THAT is a bad idea (Yes, I know this already)! When I couldn't do my 5 reps at 180# on the deads, my tapes started blaring in my head. I tried to drown them out by saying, "Oh, yeah? I got 3 reps at 180#...and competitive dead lifters only do ONE rep at their weights! So...shut up!" But, it just got louder. Apparently, it is better at intimidation than I am. :(
"So? You have to get to those weights, first! You can't even get to 200lbs, let alone 315lbs! Everything everyone has ever said about you, ever, is true--you worthless excuse for a waste of air!"
Thanks, brain. So, I went home and consoled myself with an epic Paleo breakfast (which you'll get to read about tonight). All I can say is, I'm glad I'm not cooking tonight. I'd burn the kitchen down in all likelihood.
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