Tales from the Gym--Welcome to the 21st Century

I can't believe I hadn't blogged this already.

So.  I went to the gym two weeks ago and threw my back out.  I do remember blogging that.  What I didn't blog was my conversation a week later.

I saw Nike (my fav female personal trainer) talking with Dan (my fav male personal trainer) and one other guy (turns out it was Chris, the PT Director).  I wanted to let her know that my back was healing, but my new chiro had put me off heavy squats and, presumably, dead lifts for now.

Dan frowned at the news.  Nike was surprised, but understood....and Chris?  Chris said, "That's good.  You're a girl and shouldn't be lifting like that, anyway."

Dan and Nike split.  Had I not been standing in LA Fitness, I would have verbal assaulted him and, likely, kicked him quite hard.  There are no words for his chauvinistic attitude, nor is there any excuse.

I've since taken up dumbbell training which is going very well.  I've had more DOMS (delayed onset muscle soreness) with dumbbell training than I ever had with barbell.  Dumbbells are also humbling.  I never knew that 10lbs could be so heavy when doing curls.  I'm hoping to, someday, be doing curls with 25lbs.  Maybe higher.  We'll see.

In the meantime, I leave you with this awesome inspiration: 

Tales from the Gym - Personal Training

I have a goal.  My goal is to be spandex-ready and worthy by Memorial Day weekend.  Specifically, May 24.  To that end, I talked to one of the trainers at my gym yesterday about personal training.

I was set up for my free consultation for this morning.  I am fairly certain the guy was trying to kill me.  I've been doing StrongLifts 5x5 since November and only recently hit plateaus in everything.  I did a 20% deload and am going to work back up from there.  

The guy who was doing my consult today, thinks I should stop SL because it's "advanced" and I need to work the smaller muscles to build them up to push through stalls, etc.  Resistance training.

But.  I like SL.  

I also like the torture he put me through today.  I, personally, think both would work nicely together to get the results I want.

We'll see if the trainer agrees.  Her name is Nike and she told me she wanted to train me.  She knows what I lift; she knows my goals.  We chat because she's awesome.  As much as I like the super-cute trainer, Daniel, I think he'd be a little distracting--though, he's pretty awesome as a bench press spotter.  Very encouraging.

Anyway.  Chris, the training director, really put me through some hardcore stuff and I discovered I have a phobia of balls.  He had me doing squats with a yoga ball and I was afraid I'd pop it (hey, I've been told I was *fat* all my life...).  Then, he wanted me to do burpees with an 8lb weighted ball.  I knew the instant I put it down, my arms would slip and I'd break something...and I just sorta stood there, staring, trying to psych myself into it.  I finally turned to him and said, "Can I not do that with this?"  He was confused and started talking about strong cores, etc.  I said, "Yeah...see...it's not my core I'm worried about...it's the fact my hands will slip off the ball and I will collapse onto it, crushing my sternum."  He laughed and handed me a set of 12lbs dumbbells...that were circular on the ends.  I put them down on the mat and stared a minute...then stood up and said, "Can I just do regular burpees?  I'd rather not roll around and really hurt myself."  Apparently, though, this fear of mine is because I don't have a strong core.  Couldn't possibly be because I have no depth perception and very little coordination...coupled with a severe lack of confidence in doing anything involving something that requires depth perception and coordination.  I digress.

There were a few exercises I just couldn't do.  Planking and lifting a 12lb dumbbell was the first...followed by the stupid weighted burpees...and ending with a step thing where you step up onto a raised platform, balance and lift the 12lbs dumbbells over your head, then step off the other side.  Remember a lack of depth perception and such?  I also have a lack of balance...and a bad knee....which gave out on the step down.

TIME TO WORK THAT KNEE!  Dear lord, I thought I was going to die...and I'm a pretty strong girl... But, then again, my left knee *is* pretty jacked up.  As is my left shoulder.  I'd really like to do things like what I did today as a supplement to my strong lifts.  Hopefully, they'll agree.

Tales from the Gym - I Am Fe-Male

Today was a big day for me.  It was the day I got to attempt my squat goal: 200lbs.  I said "When I am able to squat 200#, then I will get myself a 'Miss Fit' tank top."

...and so I am designing my tank top.

Whilst I was setting up for my last set, a gentleman came over to me and stared with great intensity into my eyes.  Quietly, he said, "You are a very strong woman..." And I just smiled and said, "Aww, anyone could lift this--it's only 200#!" (trying to be jocular).  He continued his serious gaze and said, "I could never lift that...my back wouldn't handle it!"

I didn't have the heart to tell him he couldn't do it because he didn't believe he could.  I did, however, say, "I'm sure you could with a little effort and training."

Because, seriously, if I can do it, anyone can do it.  I have back problems, knee problems, ankle problems...heck, my hips aren't even level let alone straight.  I probably shouldn't be able to squat 200lbs, but, like the bumble bee, I don't know that I can't.

So I did.

Someone asked once why I'd want to lift so much weight.  Presumably, the person thought I was doing it for attention (because, really, how many women do you see benching 115#, squatting 200#, and deadlifting 185#).  But, honestly, I enjoy it.  There's just something about the feeling of pushing yourself just that much harder to become harder, better, faster, stronger. 

I'm not trying to "beat the boys."  I'm trying to beat Me.  I'm trying to beat that little voice in my head that says, "You can't..."  Because you know what?  I'm a female.  And that means I CAN....because... y'know, I'm Iron Man*.




*That's Fe-Male.  Get it?  Fe = Iron?  Iron Man...?  IT'S SCIENCE!!!!

Day 11 - The Whole30 Program

I totally forgot to do my recap from yesterday, so I shall do that below.  I will chalk the forgetfulness up to the pinched finger and the bruises on my rib cage.  It is always easier to blame injuries than to just admit to failure.

Results, not excuses!

...and I'm getting results.  Seriously.  I know I said I wasn't going to weigh in, but I have no willpower, like, at all, when it comes to the scale.  So, I weighed in yesterday.

164.2lbs.

That's almost 10lbs in less than 2 weeks.  This is inspiring to me, so I'm glad I did it.  I'd like to lose another 10lbs by the end of this challenge.  That would put me right around 150-155lbs which, I think, would be a very good weight for me.  Realistic goal.  Now, that doesn't mean that I won't try to lose more fat and see if I can drop that number to 140, but the more I work out and get stronger, the more I realize my once-set-in-stone goal of 130lbs is unrealistic for me.  I'd love to LOOK 130lbs, but, really... no.  Too thin, given what I lift.

So...

RECAP

Breakfast: Sweet potato, 2 scrambled eggs

Lunch: 4 egg omelette with peppers, diced ham, salsa, and avocados, and hashbrowns (we went to a restaurant...and I'm sure there was butter in the hashbrowns because...intestinal distress.  All I'm gonna say)

Dinner: Crispy Spiced Chicken Livers and squash with bacon.  This is what it looked like: 

Hungry yet?  GO EAT!

Tales from the Gym - Silence is Golden

Today's episode found me at my gym, stretching.  I did a bridge type thing to stretch my low back.  Hands in reverse, I hoisted my body on to my head and just held the stretch in my back.  Upon standing, a gentleman began waving at me frantically and whispering something about pushing to lift my head off the mat.  After a few seconds, he finally signed the phrase, "I'm deaf."  To his surprise and relief, I responded with, "Oh!  OK!" and we began an awesome Zen moment of conversation (Note to self: Brush up on ASL).

I did my squat set (190#) and then went to do a new exercise: The Push Press.  I'd been struggling for weeks at 60# Overhead Presses (OHPs), and one of my fellow Lady Lifters suggested the push press to help work the muscles for regular OHPs.  I was very glad she did because I felt like a powerful princess!

...then I pinched my pinky finger whilst putting a 45# plate on my deadlift bar.  Needless to say, my deadlifts were not happening after that.  Nice purple coloring with a bit of blue and the dark red in the center... verreh lovely, indeed.

I'd eaten before I went to the gym and I really think it made a difference.  I wasn't focused on the fact my stomach hurt because it was hungry or that my muscles felt weaker because they didn't have fuel.  Instead, I was a powerful woman--a WONDER WOMAN! 

Tales from the Gym - Graduation

I have graduated.  Kind of.

I have graduated from the StrongLifts program into....I have no idea what, but I'm working on it!  Today consisted of squats, bench press, and a new exercise called a power clean.

I have learned I have no idea what I'm doing with power anythings.

But, it was fun!  I will feel that in the morning, I'm sure.  I started with my bench press today because all the squat racks were taken.  Every. Single. One.  There are six of them.  And everyone decided to hit them at the same time.  I'd finished my warm up sets for my bench press, looked to where the squat racks were and...they were all effing empty.  FRUSTRATION!

That's okay.  115# bench press!  Set one...power!  Set two...POWRAWR!  Set three.....roll of shame.  I should have re-racked at 4, but I had to try for the 5th and my arms gave out.  Just in case you were curious, 115# is really heavy--especially when you're pinned under it and everyone else is in the middle of their own sets.  I'll have some lovely bruises.  The guy on the bench next to me finished his set and looked over.  I gave him a whimper and the puppy eyes of "HELP!" and he came over and moved the weight for me.  Then offered to spot me.

We reduced my weight to 105# and he worked with me on that, then gave me some tips and we reduced again to 95# for form check.  I actually felt much better about my bench presses after working with him and he wasn't thinking I couldn't do the heavier weight because I was a girl. Probably will stick at 95-100# and watch my form for the next few cycles.

Finally did squats.  They were awesome and I felt (mostly) powerful.  Then I realized I should have been at 190# today.  Ah, well.  Next time.  My low back was really acting up...I'm seriously hoping the F/D treatments at the chiros don't mess me up.  Those suckers HURT.

Final exercise...the power clean (mine looked nothing like this).  I have NO IDEA WHAT I'M DOING.  I saw a muscle-head who was doing some pretty amazing stuff and seemed like a person who would *answer* my questions rather than tell me I couldn't do them because I was a girl.  I asked him if he was familiar with a power cleanse and how to do them.

I was not prepared for the voice.  Well.  Not so much the voice as the accent.  For the next few minutes as he explained that he wasn't sure how to answer the question because the exercise can be very dangerous for your low back (and not knowing me and my weight lifting history), all I could hear...was... THIS.  I felt badly.  Nice man...named Sergi.

I finally worked up the courage to do something similar to a power clean and was complimented at the end of my set by a guy who was just impressed that I, a girl, knew her way around the free weights.  "You don't see many girls doing those kinds of exercises.  That was just awesome."  I was at bar weight.  Where I will remain for form checks...then start gently upping the weight.  I'll keep Squats and DLs, steadily increasing til I hit 200# on each.  I may hold there, or I may drop back squats and switch to front squats or power thrusters or something.  Dunno.

Saturday will be...interesting.  Squats, DLs, and power presses.

Incidentally.  I must be doing something right.  Sergi said I had the figure most women work hard to get.  Either that, or he needs glasses.

Tales from the Gym - The Realizations...

My day started as it should--I woke up, kinda, rolled out of bed into my workout gear, rooted around for a pair (or a reasonable facsimile thereof) of socks, and the flattest sneakers I own.  Grabbed my phone and my tablet, my towel, water bottle... I was ready to crush my workout today.

Set it all up in my tablet app (LiftBook, for those interested): StrongLifts 5x5, Workout B, 180# squats, 60# OHPs, and 180# Deadlifts.  I was feeling powerful (except for those OHPs...they are my nemesis).  My squats sets went well.  I was feeling confident and on top of the world.  My OHPs were surprisingly good today...until the 4th set.  That's when I realized there were a lot of guys staring at me...and they weren't staring at my weight.  I looked down and thought, "Oh, geeze...if there is ever an exercise to make feel even *more* chesty... it's this one.  DOUBLE Ds COMIN' AT YA..."  Threw me off, because now I was focused on the fact I have boobs and my workouts are just making them bigger and everyone in the gym is noticing.  Set 4 gave me 3 reps, set 5 gave me 4.

I happily moved to my Deadlifts.  My warm up sets were great, but I only did 2 at 160# instead of my normal 3.  I think I should have done 3 because I only managed to get 3 reps at 180#. This made me very sad.  I like PRs every time I lift.  It makes me feel like I'm accomplishing something.  I don't know how to handle it when I don't hit those PRs.  Then it makes me worry that I'm losing strength while doing the Whole30 program and I start to freak out.

Of course, apparently, I base my sense of self/self-worth on my lifts.  Oh, THAT is a bad idea (Yes, I know this already)!  When I couldn't do my 5 reps at 180# on the deads, my tapes started blaring in my head.  I tried to drown them out by saying, "Oh, yeah?  I got 3 reps at 180#...and competitive dead lifters only do ONE rep at their weights! So...shut up!"  But, it just got louder.  Apparently, it is better at intimidation than I am.  :(

"So?  You have to get to those weights, first!  You can't even get to 200lbs, let alone 315lbs!  Everything everyone has ever said about you, ever, is true--you worthless excuse for a waste of air!"

Thanks, brain.  So, I went home and consoled myself with an epic Paleo breakfast (which you'll get to read about tonight).  All I can say is, I'm glad I'm not cooking tonight.  I'd burn the kitchen down in all likelihood.

Tales from the Gym

I've decided I want to start adding more than just "Here's what I ate today!" posts to this thing.  So, here's a snippet of frustration from my gym time today, as referenced here:

Dear sirs at my gym,

I am a woman. I lift weights. I've been steadily increasing my weight since November. When I say, "I need a spotter," I mean I need you to stand there and cheer me on--"Push it! Push it! You can do it! What are you made of, little penises?! CRUSH IT!" This is what a spotter does. A spotter does not stand there, grab the bar and re-rack it after one or two reps because they think I can't do it. It's HEAVY WEIGHT...it's a STRUGGLE which makes me STRONGER. I'm a caterpillar becoming a butterfly; don't break my cocoon.

Also, when I tell you the specific name of the exercise and you use a different name for the "same" exercise and show me the WORST FORM EVER and insist I do it that way, do not be surprised if I give you dirty looks and say, "No, you're wrong. Google Pendlay Rows." Stop hurting me; stop trying to disempowering me. If you don't like the fact I lift more than you....work your ass off like I do.

Love and kisses,
Me

I swear, I have gotten more "advice" from non-trainers at the gym, it could literally kill me.  I do appreciate the trainers that like to spot me just so they can have the privilege of spotting a chick benching over 100#.  I appreciate their awesome advice on form and never once have any of them told me to lighten the weight--in fact, they've told me to go heavier.

So, to all the "bros" out there that think you're badass and think that a chick can't lift... STFU.  I bet I will deadlift more than you can by the end of this year; I will hit my goal of body weight bench presses; and I will conquer the Over Head Press.  Know why?  Because I'm a Butterfly.  My wings are getting stronger and when I burst from my cocoon, you're going to be sorry.

Either that, or I'll just become Wonder Woman or Power Girl...or Lady Deadpool.  I like Lady Deadpool...